Sunday, February 13, 2011

It's still me

sometimes i look back
how the heck did i get here?
how did i become the girl who i am today
i think about who i used to be and what i used to do
what was the vital forming moments, what were a waist of time
somtimes i miss the old me, sometimes i think i still am the old me
not a whole lot of things have changed, except all the things that have
but really the only difference it the ticking passing time
i still think about when i was..
the little girl who played kitchen for hours on end, digging and excavating for Indian clay in the sandbox, and eating pepperoni straight from the bag.
i'm still the poofy bangs wearing, always pink styin, dresser upper that i used to be. the not afraid of speaking in front of 200 even though I'm only six, I'm the leader don't you dare take control, sipping kool-aid from champagne glasses child. stompin around the garden, ponytail on the side, overall snappin, skinned knee winner, cris cross applesause jumper, teatherball ninja. i still think everything is a story and make life an adventure thinker, the old fashioned is best i was born in the wrong time era believer. still the get a C on every spelling test,and an A on every writing assignment achiever. Still the never chase boy ish, awkward with people my own age but never shy and always smilin. i still think computers and cars are run by magic and to tell me otherwise is a lie thinker. still the go against the crowd, don't like what everybody else loves doer, the push creativity and never take yourself seriously. the flirting with life and you, smiles make the day better, staying up is better than sleepin. i still wish i had a purple plastic purse and some shiny quarters. i still think that people who don't like to read are stupid and kissing in the rain would be the best thing in the world. i still think that dreaming and wishing changes things. i still wonder the woods looking for fairys and still won't close all the bathroom doors if the light is off ..bloody mary..!!
I still sometimes think i'm a wizard, or a princess. i still dream in black and white and have never been asked on a date. i still read until two and sleep in math. Inside me is the girl that cried every night for the sisters i hadn't meet. a girl with a cracked heart that wants to change the world and doesn't know how. who writes everything except that part of my life. I'm still haunted by junior high and doubt myself often. I still have a crush on Arthur and laugh at buster. I'm still the girl who you will never understand but hopefully will still love. i still see art in the whole world around me and who can't read a single note of music. i still have never been to Paris or Australia or Italy and still want to. it makes me happy to know I'm still the same, that it's all still me, that no matter how many wrinkles age me, or how many tragedy's beset me i am and forever will be the old fashioned loving, stumbling, awkward, loving, mistake making, fake it till you make it, kinda girl.

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