Wednesday, July 18, 2012

miss orchard and I

Scraping the Sky

It took me years, time of painful growing
but slowly, like a seed emerging I’ve learned
You are not essential to my growth
I don’t need you standing over me
watering me daily and singing me songs
I don’t need you to tell me i’m sweet
or that i’m lovely
I like it when your near
But I can blossom on my own
You want me to need you
wanted me to be there step by step
following the same path
going the same direction
but darling I take the path less traveled by
Your cottage in the woods was too quaint for me
I have the whole world left to see
and your tiny dreams would never be enough
Your goals are like two story houses
built nicely and easily in rows
I dream in a Burj Khalifa kind of way
scraping the sky for all it is worth

Monday, July 16, 2012

Feeling LOVED

Life never stays the same
It's like as soon as you get used to the way things are, they change.
I used to resent that. I wanted to have things stay the same. But I'm learning that it's beautiful this way. Life is a constant surprise and although it's scary to keep going, to let things change, it's even scarier not to. I think of all the beautiful things that keep coming into my life because life keeps moving forward.  My semester is about to end and I am going home for five months. It's sad because I love it here! There are so many people I love, so many places and things. But thinking about it, I was sad to come here because there were so many people and places I had to leave. I get to go back to those people and places. My life is a never ending round of more and more people to love. I sometimes find it sad that I won't always be as close with certain people as I am now. Life happens and you just can't stay super connected to everybody. But you go forward with your life, with love in your heart. You meet new and more and more people to love. More people to be friends with, more people to make you a better person.
Thinking back to January when I moved up to school, I was terrified. I didn't know anybody here, I was scared and alone. Seven months later, I'm heading home with a long list of people I love and will miss. People I feel like I've know for a lifetime, people I will love for a lifetime.
The most beautiful thing is that isn't going to stop. I will keep finding people to love, that change me, that make my life beautiful! Because the longer I live the more I'm learning that the world is full of wonderful people! I am lucky enough to know a lot of them, and i'm excited to get to know even more of them! I am extremely blessed!!!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Nothing to say

Maybe it's howling

it’s the moment right before you drown
when your lung are burning and you have no air left
But you haven’t yet tasted the salty water
If you could pause that moment
that exact second, perhaps you could understand
It’s not the letters on your computer screen
or the long hours you didn’t sleep
It’s not the tears on your fingertips
glistening in the moonlight
It isn’t the pint of mint chocolate ice cream
nor the dead plants in your window garden
or the fact that your hair is a mess
it’s inside you
and it’s loud
it keeps you going
it’s what makes it so you can scream
it’s red and never rests
it’s fierce and unfair
it rips at you
it leads you
it’s what makes it all worth it
It’s the howling of your heart

Sunday, July 1, 2012

let in the sun

what am i supposed to do?
watch you throw away your beauty?
watch your divinity slowly crumble from your face?
Like a statue of cracking marble?

I want to reach to you
pull you in
tell you it's all okay, you are enough
You don't need all that
You don't need to distract us
You don't need to put on this mask

I know what your heart looks like
I saw it, when your guard was down
and you didn't realize I was looking
Let me tell you, it's full of so much good

You spend all your time
making sure nobody sees
the "weeds" in you life
the hurts and the pains
the unsightly scars
You hack at those weeds
 so fiercely
that you tear apart the soil
and no flowers can grow

Let the rain in your life
fine peace where you know it can be found
Don't drown yourself in fertilizer
but forget to let in the sun

Utterly Bloom

this is me, standing tall
standing alone
all 5'9" of me
I'm growing, no not taller
but better, stronger, happier
I'm growing more excited
more content and at peace

I'm like a tree
growing roots
growing leaves and blossoms
filing in the blank spaces
reaching for the stars

I'm learning to love life
the great never ending frenzy
 the days blurring into one
learning to love the constant beat
of my never resting heart