It's june 17th 2008
riding in a cramped van driving though crowded streets
feeling carsick for the first time i didn't know i could like carsick
The hot humid sea air is hard for my desert lungs to breath but i love that too
i never knew i loved not breathing
like that time we sat on the hard wood benches knees touching
our hands like static electricity sparks flying but not igniting

missing the smell i had never inhaled
longing for that smell, the taste imagining it on my lips
and then finally smelling, inhaling, breathing it all in
it was harder and much much better than an illusion
i never knew i loved coconut

it's crying my heart out and not stopping
the terminal with the large globe on it's floor
i wanted that space for so long, it haunted my sleep
and when i awoke more tears scattered my sheets
for the impossible isn't in dreams
it exists only in life
life where dreams are what you eat and drink and bath in

i didn't know one day could change my life but it did
i didn't know that snakes can make you sigh and fish as well
i didn't know i loved purple until it was too late
but i do it does it is, the perfect fingernail polish shining brightly
almost as brightly as the moon that i always knew i loved

i didn't know that snow could be so crule or romantic
i didn't know i didn't like fur
but it's obvious i don't
i didn't know ne me quitte pas would change it
but it changed it a lot

i didn't know age mattered when i was sitting alone in the sand
but wet and sharp shells killed my leg as and i knew it was true
i didn't know the true value of a dollar untill i had to find one
alone unbroken on the rocks, it nearly always breaks
but you can find it if you want to look hard enough

i never knew i would bless a burned out light
that it would make or break my day
that it would make me confess and process
the first time i saw the flashing lights in my mirror

i never knew i loved the white
untill i didn't taist of it
forever is a long time
i never thought i could accept that
but acceptance is slow and loss is quick
loss is forever acceptance will always alter

i never knew i loved the wind
till it followed me and ran through my hair softly
the way he never did
i never knew i could hate that
but the day he turned cold i would have wished him far away
from my soft pale skin and yellow locks
away but then blow back

i never knew i loved brown
or blue blue blue
i never never knew
i could list what i never knew
it would be long and tall
i never new i loved lists
and that smell and your smell
i never knew how much i loved not breathing