Being Sick and the Scriptures

In the past couple years I have gained two favorite scriptures. I don't usually have favorite ones because I feel like they are all good at different times and for different reasons. But the two that I keep going back to time after time are Alma 7:11&12  And Proverbs 3: 5&6. Just recently I have felt the power of both of these in my life. 

I have been very sick lately. I'm allergic to gluten and although I've been eating gluten free for two years I have started to have issues again and not feeling very well. I got an appointment with a GI (gut) doctor for September. Then suddenly a cancellation happened and I got bumped up almost a moth. When I went to the doctor he said I needed a biopsy and a scope done to figure things out. So we planned that for tomorrow. I was feeling alright at the time all of this happened. Having a few issues but could live my life without major problems. 

Then last Thursday I started getting sick and each day it got worse and worse.  I am at an all time low in my gluten adventure. I feel so sick and I don't know what's going on or why this is happening!   

Well yesterday while I felt like death I found out I didn't get the job I REALLY wanted and really thought I had in the bag. That makes two jobs in one week that I thought would be perfect but have fallen through. I felt defeated. My mom helped me by saying that whatever happens is because Heavenly Father knows what I need right now. I wasn't' finding comfort through anything that I did. Then I opened my scriptures. First I opened to Alma chapter seven and read 

And he shall go forth, suffering pains and ^aafflictions and^btemptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will ^ctake upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 12 And he will take upon him ^adeath, that he may ^bloose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to ^csuccor his people according to their infirmities.

That scripture talks of the atonement of Jesus Christ. I have found comfort in the scripture countless times when I was struggling. I never however really paid much attention to the sicknesses part. Christ atoned for our sicknesses, HE UNDERSTANDS COMPLETELY! He knows what it's like to celiac disease and food allergies that make you feel like your dying! He gets it!  And the reason he gets it? So he can help us! So he knows how to succor us! 

The second scripture I read was the one in Proverbs. 

^aTrust in the Lord with all thine ^bheart; and lean not unto thine ^cown ^dunderstanding.

 6 In all thy ways ^aacknowledge him, and he shall ^bdirect thy^cpaths.

I realized that the Lord was guiding my life! He knew that I would bee too sick to work those jobs, He knew I needed time to figure out what's wrong and find ways of getting better. I believe He also helped me get the sooner doctor appointment so I could start getting help faster.  So although I feel like crap, and I'm scared about tomorrow, I can't help but feel so thankful to my Heavenly Father for loving me so perfectly, and thankful for His son, who gave everything so He can understand me, and heal me! 

Liquid Thrill

I let the water heal me
the way it always seems to do
Each tiny droplet breaking in splendor
If magic existed
it would be found in rain
A little mesage from above
that things are bigger than just myself
I walk the earth barefoot
the water twisting my hair to curls
It is welcome and intimate
rolling off my lips and cheeks
creeping down my neck
Deeply I breath it in
let it sing wispered secrets in my ears
reaching out as it slowly stops
leaving everything
wet, tranquil and humming

miss orchard and I

Scraping the Sky

It took me years, time of painful growing
but slowly, like a seed emerging I’ve learned
You are not essential to my growth
I don’t need you standing over me
watering me daily and singing me songs
I don’t need you to tell me i’m sweet
or that i’m lovely
I like it when your near
But I can blossom on my own
You want me to need you
wanted me to be there step by step
following the same path
going the same direction
but darling I take the path less traveled by
Your cottage in the woods was too quaint for me
I have the whole world left to see
and your tiny dreams would never be enough
Your goals are like two story houses
built nicely and easily in rows
I dream in a Burj Khalifa kind of way
scraping the sky for all it is worth

Feeling LOVED

Life never stays the same
It's like as soon as you get used to the way things are, they change.
I used to resent that. I wanted to have things stay the same. But I'm learning that it's beautiful this way. Life is a constant surprise and although it's scary to keep going, to let things change, it's even scarier not to. I think of all the beautiful things that keep coming into my life because life keeps moving forward.  My semester is about to end and I am going home for five months. It's sad because I love it here! There are so many people I love, so many places and things. But thinking about it, I was sad to come here because there were so many people and places I had to leave. I get to go back to those people and places. My life is a never ending round of more and more people to love. I sometimes find it sad that I won't always be as close with certain people as I am now. Life happens and you just can't stay super connected to everybody. But you go forward with your life, with love in your heart. You meet new and more and more people to love. More people to be friends with, more people to make you a better person.
Thinking back to January when I moved up to school, I was terrified. I didn't know anybody here, I was scared and alone. Seven months later, I'm heading home with a long list of people I love and will miss. People I feel like I've know for a lifetime, people I will love for a lifetime.
The most beautiful thing is that isn't going to stop. I will keep finding people to love, that change me, that make my life beautiful! Because the longer I live the more I'm learning that the world is full of wonderful people! I am lucky enough to know a lot of them, and i'm excited to get to know even more of them! I am extremely blessed!!!

Nothing to say

Maybe it's howling

it’s the moment right before you drown
when your lung are burning and you have no air left
But you haven’t yet tasted the salty water
If you could pause that moment
that exact second, perhaps you could understand
It’s not the letters on your computer screen
or the long hours you didn’t sleep
It’s not the tears on your fingertips
glistening in the moonlight
It isn’t the pint of mint chocolate ice cream
nor the dead plants in your window garden
or the fact that your hair is a mess
it’s inside you
and it’s loud
it keeps you going
it’s what makes it so you can scream
it’s red and never rests
it’s fierce and unfair
it rips at you
it leads you
it’s what makes it all worth it
It’s the howling of your heart