Beaded

Back for 2015

So It's been just over two years since my last post. No I'm not a slacker I was gone but I decided for my creative spirit it would be a good thing to get back into it. So here I am again!

What I didn't know this time last year

Looking back at this time last year everything has changed

This time last year I had never been to rexburg
I had never met Sooo many of my dear dear friends
I had never taken a college class
I didn't know how much I loved social work
I didn't know I could live on my own
I didn't know amazing BYU idaho is!
I didn't know I could make friends with so many types of people
I sort of knew how hard food is
I didn't know how strong I was
I didn't know I was lactose intolerant
I didn't truly realize how loved I am
I didn't know how it felt to be so weak
I didn't know I would be an aunt
Or how much I would love that sweet boy
I did know I wanted to serve a mission
But I DIDNT KNOW I COULD GO SO SOON!
I didn't know I would be doing mission papers this year
Or that I would get my call
I didn't know Indiana was where I would spend the next year and a half
And I had no idea how excited I would be about that
I did and yet learned all over again how mindful the lord is
And how much he loves me
I didn't know I would be going through the temple
I didn't know how much I would grow
I didn't know so much!!!!
I'm so glad I learned all this!

It makes me look at next year
It makes me think what do I face?!?
What don't I know?
How excite ting is it to be able to learn!

There are only a few things I do know about next year
I know I will be a servant of the lord
I know I will Have to rely on God
I know I will be in Indiana
I know that what I put in is what I will get out
I know I will be in the right mission
I know it will be Sooo hard
I know it will be soo worth it
I know that I'm so excited!
Welcome 2013:)

I'll go where you want me to go

When I was a little girl in primary I remember singing called to serve. I remember realizing that this song was more than the catchy tune, it was about being a missionary!  Ifelt something then that kind of stuck I decided then that I wanted to serve a mission. And now like 13 years later I'm prepairing for my mission! Its a possibility that I will get my mission call this Wednesday, that's only 2 days away! And although Im more excited than possibly ever I'm also feeling for the first time something that I haven't yet felt in association with my choice to serve a mission and that is fear! I have been so excited thru this whole process that fear hasn't even crossed my mind. But now I'm a bit more nervous. I think excitement is still the most prevalent emotion but I have been nervous that I won't love where I get called to serve. I know that mission calls are inspired and that they come from the lord, I know in time I will love wherever it is I am called. Im mostly scared it won't be what I think it should be right when I get the called. I have been praying to know that wherever god has in mind for me will feel right away like its right. Because i do know that it will be right! as I have turned to heavenly father with this fear he has helped me in so many ways! So many little things have really added up to help me feel more calm and more at peace. In my interview my stake president asked "will you serve wherever you are called?" i got chills because i knew that i would and that it would be right for me. Then the hymn 'I'll go where you want me to go' came into my mind. I was reminded that this isn't about me! This int for my travel experience or laungage development! The real reason came back to me heart and I remembered why I was even doing this in the first place. This is NOt about me. This is about Jesus Crist and his beautiful gospel! Its about light and truth that can and will be brought to some people somewhere in the world, and
It isn't about where those people are that matters as much as who they are and what they need.
So as my call gets closer, I have a bit more calmness and a prayer In my heart it goes like this

1. It may not be on the mountain’s height,
   Or over the stormy sea;
   It may not be at the battle’s front,
   My Lord will have need of me;
   But if by a still, small voice He calls,
   To paths that I do not know,
   I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in Thine,
   I’ll go where You want me to go.
   • Refrain:
     I’ll go where You want me to go, dear Lord,
     O’er mountain, or plain, or sea;
     I’ll say what You want me to say, dear Lord,
     I’ll be what You want me to be.
2. Perhaps today there are loving words
   Which Jesus would have me speak;
   There may be now in the paths of sin,
   Some wand’rer whom I should seek;
   O Savior, if Thou wilt be my guide,
   Though dark and rugged the way,
   My voice shall echo Thy message sweet,
   I’ll say what You want me to say.
3. There’s surely somewhere a lowly place,
   In earth’s harvest fields so white,
   Where I may labor through life’s short day,
   For Jesus the Crucified;
   So trusting my all to Thy tender care,
   And knowing Thou lovest me,
   I’ll do Thy will with a heart sincere,
   I’ll be what You want me to be.

Freedom

when I was a little girl I watched on the news

as men and women stood in a long long line

in the heat of the desert

to cast their votes

they were not safe

they risked their lives to cast that vote

risked it all to have a voice

it was that day that I decided

no matter what

I would always vote

because I am blessed enough to do so 

today I voted for the first time ever

I got chills 

Beautiful Brain

I want to wander the corridors of your mind
Without a tour guide, without a map
I want to get lost in a blur of left and right turns
of spiral staircases and long hallways
I want to get utterly lost
and see what I discover
In the deepest chambers of your mind
I want to go searching
Past the rustic thoughts of daily living
to the part of the brain
where not the body but the soul thinks
I want to find the thoughts
that are too big, too important to surface often
Because I believe it's these thoughts
in this part of your beautiful brain
that could teach me of you

Seeing Gold

Some days when i'm feeling tired
Like a tiny shell tossed in a giant sea
I look deeply into the mirror
Not to see my body, but to see my soul
I look deeply
into the quarries that are my eyes
That is where I can see my gold
I ignore the blemishes on my face
and the way my hair is done
I see who I am
I see me